Stalker Awareness Month: Take Back Your Life

It is January once more. January is, among other things, Stalker Awareness Month. I have written on the subject once before. (In fact, I just read that blog post and it is really good!)

So what else is there to say?

Well, maybe I could write about a couple more things.

Getting Through Trauma

One of the things that I addressed in Pursued by the Past is how Vanna is affected by her stalker. How angry, afraid, isolated, and depressed she becomes as the stalking escalates. Being stalked and harassed can be incredibly draining mentally and can affect all facets of your life. Not only are you always looking over your shoulder and being hypervigilant, but you can’t concentrate on work, keep up other relationships, and stay organized and on top of things in your life.

So what can the target of a stalker (I will not use “victim” here) to do take back their life and mental health?

Talk to a Therapist

Therapy is not just for broken relationships or severe mental illness. A therapist can give invaluable insight, guidance, and support. They can also provide counseling for any underlying mental health issues that may have been triggered as a result of being harassed or stalked. Reach out to family, friends, and community resources for recommendations of a therapist that could help.

Reach Out to Family & Friends

Speaking of family and friends, they are there to support you as well. (Okay, not all family and friends can be supportive in this kind of situation, but hopefully some of them are.) Let people know what you are going through. Let them know what they can do to support you emotionally. Some people need hugs and chocolate, and some need space or someone they can call at two in the morning. How will they know if you don’t tell them? Figure out who you can talk to or vent with that will give you the response you need. Because sometimes you need solutions, but sometimes you just need an ear, right? Talking to family and friends can help you work through your emotions in a safe space and build up your inner strength in order to move forward.

Join Support Groups

It’s entirely possible that there is no one in your immediate sphere of family and friends who has been through this experience before. As sympathetic as they may try to be, if they haven’t been there before, they might not be able to give you what you need. There are many support groups specifically dedicated to providing emotional support for victims of harassment or stalking. Joining these groups will allow you to connect with others who are going through similar experiences as well as give you access to additional resources such as advice, guidance, and tips on how to cope with the trauma of being harassed or stalked.

Seek Help from Hotlines & Organizations

Face-to-face support groups can be overwhelming. If you need help but aren’t ready to reach out to a group, there are many hotlines and organizations dedicated specifically for providing emotional support for victims of stalking that offer anonymous phone counseling services as well as online chat services. A quick internet search or talk to a community resource should be able to put you in touch with one of these organizations.


Spreading Awareness in Your Community

Whether you have experienced stalking or had a friend who has (and chances are, you have,) you may be looking for things that you can do to support those in your community who have been targets or to increase awareness of what you as a community can do. Here’s one idea—how about hosting a book club on stalker awareness? (You’re shocked that I brought books into this conversation, right?) You could have a virtual or in-person book club. Here are some thoughts on making your book club event successful.

Establish clear guidelines

Before the book club begins, set expectations and ground rules for participation. Make sure everyone understands that this is an open and safe space to discuss stalker awareness and how reading can help us be more informed about it.

Choose a book

Select a book about stalker awareness that will be the focus of discussion in the book club. Consider choosing books written from different perspectives and characters from different backgrounds.

Create an agenda

Set up an agenda with discussion points, questions, and activities to keep the conversation flowing throughout the event. Give participants time to read before attending the book club so they can come prepared with thoughts and ideas for discussion.

Get the facts

A lot of our opinions are fed by what we see on TV or what is written in fictional accounts, and we don’t actually know the statistics and the impact on victims. A woman who is stalked in one episode of your favourite cop show is rescued within the one-hour episode and by next week her life is back to normal. In fact, according to this fact sheet, 11% of stalking lasts for over 5 years. That’s a huge discrpancy from our perception. Check the statistics in your part of the world and be sure that you’re talking about actual numbers.

SPARC has some great infographics you might want to use.

Promote active listening

Remind participants to practice active listening by expressing their understanding after someone has spoken, asking questions, and providing feedback if appropriate. Encourage everyone to respect one another’s opinions and experiences while discussing stalker awareness in an open and sensitive way.

Make sure everyone is heard

Make sure all voices are heard during the virtual book club by taking turns speaking or having participants type in one-word responses when prompted by the host (e.g., “Who agrees?”). This will ensure that everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts in a safe space without interruption or judgement from others.

Follow up after the event

After the virtual book club has ended, take time to reflect on what was discussed and any feelings that may have come up during the conversation. Send out an email or survey afterwards to get feedback from participants on what they thought of the event, what they learned, and whether they have any suggestions or ideas for future events and topics of conversation related to stalker awareness and reading literacy.

Pursued by the Past

If you are looking for a book to discuss, there are a number of them listed in my previous post, including Pursued by the Past:

Pursued by the Past

Vanna had a good life. She had her challenges—like her mother’s high expectations of her—but all in all, she had a job she enjoyed, a fun hobby and friends. She didn’t need any complications.

But that all changed shortly after trying to break things off with Tino. The phone calls with no one on the other end. Anonymous gifts. Someone moving things around in her bedroom.

A restraining order changed nothing. If anything, it caused things to escalate. If Vanna wants her life back, she will have to take things into her own hands.

Keeps you wondering what comes next. I don’t know how this woman kept it together. Very good book and the characters were great. Looking forward to reading another book by this author.

—Gail, Goodreads Reader

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2 thoughts on “Stalker Awareness Month: Take Back Your Life”

  1. It is rare to see such a thought provoking post, in an email usually given over to promoting books. That is a good thing, I am an avid reader, but using your platform for a serious & important subject is commendable. I like what I have read of yours & now I have an even higher opinion of you.

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