What is Kabedon?

This week, in one of my writing groups, the subject of Kabedon came up. Kabedon is not something I had ever heard of before, so I won’t assume that you have either. Kabedon is a new trend in Japanese courtship, popularized in manga and anime. Kabe-don (“wall hit”) is the act of the man slapping his hand on the wall next to the woman, pinning her in position by his proximity. He may place only one hand on the wall, or one hand on either side of her so that she is trapped between his arms. He leans in very close to talk to her.

This video was posted in the group discussion:

One of the comments I made on the thread in my writing group about the video was: “I don’t understand the women saying it didn’t make them uncomfortable when their body language said it absolutely did. Those wide grins, embarrassed laughs, and turning away or hiding faces aren’t flirtatious, they are nervousness and anxiety.”

Here are a couple of articles about Kabedon:

The Japanese Kabedon: is it romantic or is it offensive?

Kabedon Is The New Japanese Mating Ritual You Need To Know About

Of course, dominance moves like this have been around for years. They remind me of Fonzie’s pick-up moves on Happy Days. While we always thought Fonz was the coolest, I wince when I watch Happy Days now—treating women like objects, showing them no respect, no concept of “consent.” It isn’t the 1950s anymore, or even the 1970s. Our expectations are a lot different than they used to be.

The consensus in my group was that Kabedon is okay if you are in love with the guy, but creepy if you aren’t.

I happen to disagree. I think it’s creepy behavior no matter how well you like the guy. I do not want to be trapped and have someone aggressively pushing into my personal space even when courting/flirting.

So if you happen to see a Kabedon scene in one of my books in the future, you can bet it will not be seen as a romantic, “hot” move from the recipient’s viewpoint!

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